Why is it hard for him to enter me? VAGINISMUS.

This article is simply in response to the following searches people make on google especially in relation to penetration during sex:

* why won’t it go in?

* it won’t go in

* my husband is not able to penetrate

* having difficulty penetrating

* my boyfriend couldn’t put it in

* why is it hard for him to enter me

* he couldn’t put it in

The main reasons while it is sometimes difficult to penetrate the vagina during sex are:

1. The lady is a virgin

2. There is no vagina – ‘no hole’ called vagina atresia

3. Gynetresia (vaginal opening to small)

4. Problem with the male partner – erectile dysfunction and micropenis

5. Sexual inexperience from both partners

6. Anxiety

7. Vaginismus

For the purpose of today’s discussion, I am going to focus on vaginismus as one the commonest reasons why your husband or boyfriend can’t penetrate you.

Vaginismus makes sexual intercourse difficult or impossible (the vagina can completely close up) & it can be so so painful

It is reflexive tightening around the vagina when vaginal entry is attempted or completed (eg, using a penis, finger, or dildo) despite women’s expressed desire for penetration and despite the absence of any structural or other physical abnormalities.
Reason he can’t enter you
Types of vaginismus:
• Primary vaginismus is when u have never been able to have sex because of the condition.
• Secondary vaginismus is when u have previously been able to have sex but now find it difficult or impossible.
Primary and Secondary Vaginismus image
Why is it hard for him to enter me
Why is it hard for him to enter me?
Credit: Extelicast
• Global vaginismus is when you are unable to place anything in the vagina

• Situational vaginismus is when you are able to use tampons and can tolerate pelvic examination but cannot have intercourse.

Vaginismus can strike any woman at any time at any age.
Symptoms of vaginismus include the following:
• difficult or impossible penetration of the vagina, because the muscles in the vagina have tightened
• burning or stinging pain & tightness of the vagina if penetrated by a tampon, finger or penis

This is the cycle of pain as depicted by Dr Rajeev below.. .

Vaginismus cycle if pain
Vaginismus cycle of pain

• loss of sexual desire if penetration is attempted

• Some women are unable to insert anything into their vagina.

• Some women can insert a tampon & complete a gynaecological exam, but intercourse isn’t possible.

• Other women can try to have intercourse, but it is very painful.

* Another important symptom though rare, is penis captivus.

Why is it hard for him to enter me
Vaginismus can cause loss of interest in sex and frustration

Causes of Vaginismus

• Pelvic pain due to a medical condition, infection, physical trauma or assault, age-related changes, or painful physical events such as childbirth.
• Emotional distress, anxiety, fear, relational difficulties, or other similar emotions that relate to
sex, intimacy, past trauma, or relationships.
• You are affected by cultural or religious taboos around sex.
• Previous surgery to the genital area
• vaginal dryness, which can occur after the menopause
• lack of sexual arousal
• side effects of some medicine
* Rape
* Menopause
* Inadequate foreplay
* infections like UTI and candidiasis
* childbirth


If you have symptoms of vaginismus, see your doctor who may need to ask some personal and intimacy history questions to find out more about your condition. Thereafter, she may do a pelvic examination on your to ascertain the extent of your complaints.

Treatment modalities are then instituted as below:

(1) Progressive desensitization
• The woman first touches herself daily as close to the introitus as possible, separating the labia with her fingers.
• Once her fear and anxiety due to introital self-touch has diminished, the woman will be more able to tolerate the physical examination.
• The next stage is to insert her finger past her hymen; pushing or bearing down during insertion enlarges the opening and eases entry.
• Once finger insertion causes no discomfort, vaginal cones in gradually increasing sizes are inserted progressively; leaving a cone inside for 10 to 15 min helps perivaginal muscles become accustomed to gently increasing pressure without reflex contraction. The woman first inserts a cone herself; when comfortable with the cone, she then allows her partner to help her insert one during a sexual encounter to confirm that it can go in comfortably when she is sexually excited.
• Once insertion in this context is comfortable, the couple should include penile vulvar stimulation during sexual play so that the woman becomes accustomed to feeling the penis on her vulva.
Ultimately, the woman inserts her partner’s penis partially or fully, holding it like an insert.
She may feel more confident in the woman superior position.
These methods can also be used if the above method is not working;
Sensate focus
Pelvic floor exercises (Kegel exercises)
Relaxation & touching
Sex therapy
Vaginal trainers
Treatment steps can usually be completed at home using a self-help approach, allowing a woman to work at her own pace in privacy, or in cooperation with her health care provider or specialist.
Vaginismus is very treatable. But it takes months before 100% is achieved.
I hope the question of “why is it hard for him to enter me” has been answered?
Dr Udomoh
Medical News Today


  1. At dis age.. Don’t even knw if am a virgin or not…cause I didn’t experience any pain or blood if intercourse cums in…so my man does not believe me …..wat is d best way to kill a sperm….
    I always ave dis severe pain wen I wanna make love to my man…below my private part….so he don’t sex me try front bt he uses tru d back….cus it’s hard for him to penetrate true front……jus confused n afraid…

  2. Quite educative piece ….a married virgin at 29 and 2wks after we still can’t successfully penetrate…. anxiety….tightness plus he is endowed….I can’t even get aroused easily cos of the pain of sex


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