Marrying a doctor: The challenges, pros & cons

Are you thinking of marrying a doctor?

Are doctors and marriage compatible?

The writer tries to answer the questions on:

Who do male doctors marry?

Who do female doctors marry?

Disadvantages of marrying a female doctor?

What is it like to marry a female doctor?

Why do doctors marry doctors?

Dating a doctor pros and cons

#Medicine_And_Marriage_The_Challenge

Medicine is a very demanding profession. It’s not just because it deals with saving the very delicate human life, but also because taking care of the sick, dealing with emergencies and all of that, is never an easy feat.
Doctors, by the very nature of their demanding job, are inherently overworked. They are tired most times, underpaid even, and of course owed months of salary just like the many other government professionals nationwide. However, they are expected to carry out their jobs with an unrivaled air of magnanimity and equanimity. After all, they represent the select few who achieved the dreams that eluded so many, right?

While this has a ring of truth to it, another equally disturbing, maybe exhilarating, thought is the idea of getting married to a doctor. It’s one thought that many find celestial and admirable on one hand, while others on the other hand consider it the height of folly.

Married doctors do not only manage patients, they also learn to manage their families, especially spouses, in order not to lose them to their jobs. Hence it’s always an issue when a doctor wants to get married, especially those doctors in the very demanding specialties like Trauma Surgery, Orthopaedics, Neurosurgery, etc. Will my spouse cope with my long hours of absence? Will it affect my marriage? How about the kids (especially if the woman was the doctor)? Who would take care of them when I’m away on duty?

The questions are endless.
To this end, there is always this unspoken decision by many doctors to want to marry their fellow doctors (or at least nurses) since they will understand your professional plight. However, people like me, the hardcore family-oriented people crazy about established family roles, would not want to marry a fellow doctor strictly from a professional point of view. If it would happen – and I’m hoping it doesn’t – it would have to be because she complemented me in every respect and thus the decision came by default.

There was this famous case here in UBTH a few years ago, where an obviously under-cared-for husband came to the hospital at night and raised hell because his senior registrar wife had been on call for an extended period and the dude obviously missed her conjugal duties and his fresh meal (in contrast to the frozen and then thawed ones he’d had to endure for long), amongst other things. The man threatened to raise hell and even pull his wife out of the residency program because he didn’t understand if she was married to him or to her job.
Would you want to save lives and then lose your family and marriage?

In the the end, the consultants and security had to plead with him to calm down and go home, with the promise of seeing his wife the next morning. It was a tell-all drama that succinctly captured the same issues that spouses of doctors regularly face.
In mild to moderate cases, the spouse is frustrated, lonely, pissed off and then forced to endure the marriage; in severe cases, it could lead to an end of the marriage.

I admire the sacrifices of doctors, but this issue is one that worries me, if I’m being honest.
Personally, I want, first and foremost, a good wife; an educated one, I have to add, but I’d rather she ain’t a doctor like me.

I’m sure the thought of being or marrying a doctor is still a dream for many, for obvious reasons of financial independence and prestige [not like doctors are rich, they’re just comfortable]. I understand the dream, after all I know first hand how it feels; but to me, however, it could pose a problem.
Imagine me coming home from the hospital tired and eager to jump into bed with my wife to relieve stress after a hard day’s work, only to hear that she had rushed off to the hospital for night call, or that she had an emergency she needed to attend to, or stuff like that.

I can’t deal with it please.

I also know that a lot of understanding and communication need to be established in such a marriage to make it work, but we all know that it’s not easy. Yes, people have done it and are still doing it, but it takes nothing away from the challenge it brings.

So the question is simple: would you love to date or marry a doctor? If you’re married already, would you have loved it better if you were married to a doctor? And how do doctors balance their marriage?
Please, let’s hear your thoughts.

By Casey Amaefule